Wild-Eyed Angry White Man

2004-09-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Sen. "Zig-Zag" Zell Miller gave us his rendition of a "wild-eyed" angry white man late night at the Republican National Convention. However, it would quite erroneous to say that this white man can't jump. Au contraire, he made leaps that would qualify him for a spot on the U.S.A. Olympic track and field team. According to the distinguished senior (give me my damn discount!) senator from the luscious Peach State, John Kerry will only defend our purple mountain majesties and alabaster cities after he's received permission from Paris (France, not Texas). Non, non, ne dire pas c'est si, mon ami traitre. (No, no, say it ain't so, my treasonous friend.)

During his diatribe, ol' Zig Zag scourged John Kerry and his fellow Democrats with a venomous vitriol that could just as easily be used as a Weapon of Mass Destruction (count on the Repugs to finally dredge up one from somewhere!). My sole wish (other than my oft-stated lifelong desire for world peace) is for Karl Rove to return the blackmail pictures of Zell doing God knows what (making love to a blow-up doll? receiving fellatio from a congressional intern on the Mall? soliciting kinky male sex on 14th St?) and then this sordid episode can be placed firmly behind us.

Oh, if only my psyche had an erase button. How long will it take before his hideously contorted, wrinkled visage ceases to haunt my dreams?

Sen. Miller needs a big helping of my momma's peach cobbler from scratch. That and a long swig of Rudy Giuliani's Montecristo and gin should do the trick. Soon that ol' dog will be lying on the front porch, lazily fanning flies with his tail, refusing to do any more dirty tricks for Bush & Co.

Peach Cobbler from Scratch

Wild-Eyed Angry White Man